Hawaiian JLo

This is NOT the suburbs

2010-03-25T11:20:00.005-10:00

I was sitting on my couch watching CNN and reading my new book "The Pleasures of Cooking for One" by James Beard Award winner Judith Jones, when a weird sound reached my ears. Clop, clop, clop. I checked the TV. It wasn't CNN. They were reporting baby sling recalls and asking for people to call in on whether the video of Shamu playing (aka killing) his human prison guard should be released to the public.

Clop...clop...clop. The sound was getting louder, more cloppy and making me nervous. My cottage sits high above the ground while my couch faces the street. I can literally look out the window and see the neighborhood from 2 sides. So it really startled me to see women sort of floating across my windows. The clopping sound was coming from the horses they were riding...heading to the beach. Now that is not a sight you see often. I am SO not in the suburbs anymore. My dog and I just watched from my porch as they went by cloppity clop.

I was tempted to yell out the line from Old Spice, "Look down...back up. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice....I'm on a horse."

Hawaiians in Rome

2009-10-13T20:07:00.005-10:00

10/7/09 wow....who would've imagined all these Hawaiians in the ancient city of Roma. they all arrived exhausted from Belgium after being greeted like heros by the locals in Fr. Damien's hometown. it is such a trip to see them spread their Aloha to the staff at the Ergife Hotel as well as around St. Peter's Square. today was the audience with il Papa. and it was like the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. each country followed by the naming of each group was introduced to Bene-san the 16th. and let's just say we weren't quiet and stoic when US/Hawaii congregation was called out. we could NOT let the those German Nazi bastards out-yell us. hell NO!!! the Indian priests from India (not to be confused with the Native American Indian priests if there are any) seated next to me were impressed with my finger whistling (a must-learn ability while growing up in Kalihi). unfortunately they only had 6 dudes from their church so needless to say they didn't have an impressive group such as ours. they decided to not stand up and cheer when their group was called after our 5 minute screaming like UH football fans during the June Jones era. but.....they forgot to tell one of their people and it was pretty funny when the group was called and he was the only one standing and yelling. talk about a scene from an Adam Sandler movie. i tried to hold back the laughter but the dude was shown on the jumbo-tron and then all his buddies from his group just busted out laughing. needless to say i joined in and we all bonded....even the embarrassed dude-priest.

10/8: today is catch-up-on-your-sleep day. or shop at the Vatican after a tour of the museum. my mom and i decided to check out the train station and pick up our tickets to Florence. the best way to travel in Rome is by taxi. they are friggin' nuts and fearless. between the crazy moped/motorcycle riders and the tons of buses weaving in and out of the lanes like there are NO traffic lanes, it is dangerous to be on the road in Rome. the cars maybe small and compact but the speed and impatience that they drive is chaotic and stressful. there are Smart Cars everywhere here. even the Polizia have a Smart Cars. how the hell they are able to transport a bad guy in one of those things, i don't know. but they are sure cute and can be parked ANYWHERE.

a difference i noticed in Rome since the last time i was here in the 1990's, the graffiti/tagging is out of frickin' control. it's like i've flashed-back to the movie Beat Street. huge bubble tags with tons of color. it is on everything in the city of Rome. now Vatican City is tagless which makes sense as the city is super small and the Popes guards in their cool outfits from the Renaissance era look like they could kill you with a look...even if they do look like they are heading to Renaissance Fair.

10/9: we invaded Assisi. there is still some construction going on from the earthquakes of 1997. the city is still impressive and on a hill/mountain with an incredible view. and they added escalators to help people get to the town. you have to walk down but it's not as bad on the heart that walking straight up the friggin' mountain. the amount of historical churches and buildings are balanced by the many tourist stores and restaurants located throughout the town of Assisi. St. Francis (totally a nature dude) was it's local son and he teamed up with St. Catherine of Sienna, the patron saint of Italy. the streets are narrow and cobbled but so is most of Italy. as in Rome, there are lots of nuns, priests, brothers and monks wondering about the town. many of them young too.

while people watching in Assisi, i bumped into a leprechaun of a man wearing a Fr. Damien shirt Aloha shirt. as i didn't recognize him from our group, i engaged him in conversation. come to find out that he was a brother from Ireland....a Sacred Heart brother who used to work at St. Patricks on Waialae and he visited Sacred Hearts Academy back in 1973. dude missed me by a few years! he and a bunch of his other brothers were also heading to Rome for the canonization. he was certainly happy to know we were here to represent. i steered our media crew towards this cute leprechaun brother as it surely made for an interesting story.....sort of a "circle of life" thing with him 'cause i'm sure he bumped into a few of the SHA sisters who were on this tour with us who probably knew him too.

Benvenuto a Roma!!

2009-10-07T20:19:00.003-10:00

10/1/09 - 4pm mom and i leave HNL on Delta for Atlanta.
10/2/09 - arrive in Atlanta and have a 3 hour layover before flying to Boston. we finally leave Atlanta after chasing down the gate as the airport kept changing it. arrive in Boston only to have a 5 hour layover. exhaustion hits us and we decided to pull a "backpack American" by laying down length-wise on the seats in the International departures. thankfully the area is empty as we are really early for our flight. an hour and half later, we slowly wake up to loud German-speaking folks. man, i hope i wasn't drooling or snoring loudly. i was sleeping on my side so i think i was ok. not that it matters as i don't know anyone here anyway. i am surrounded by people and the minute i sit up, the spot left empty is taken by voracious Germans. we finally board our flight and it is packed. and it's a crappy plane again. btw, all the planes we were on were old and decrepit. apparently, Delta/Northwest got the contract to fly our troops overseas so they used the newer planes for them. i stopped bitching once i heard that explanation.

there are lots of Americans on this Boston to Rome flight who are heading to Italy for their cruise or to spend a week in a Tuscany town....no one there for the canonization though. one older couple across from me were old hands at cruising especially in Italy. they were hilarious. they talked to everyone. they were Jewish (typically so...very Seinfeld-ish), loud and really friendly without being obnoxious or irritating. the plane we were on was so uncomfortable. it was small and the seats were so worn out that there was a permanent butt impression in ALL of them. mom and i were suppose to sit together as were a bunch of other people on the plane. come to find out that Delta under-booked so the larger plane we were suppose to have was switched as we didn't have enough people to fill it. friggin' A! and there was noone to complain to as the plane was Alitalia but the booking was through Delta/Northwest. they each pointed the finger at each other. whatev.

10/3/09 - 7:45am finally arrive in Rome. we depart the plane by going down the steps of the plane and onto a bus. so old school! we arrive at the passport terminal and i'm one of the lucky ones with the new electronic passports. it's suppose to be easier and faster but my passport dude apparently is new to this and is excited to check it out. the people behind me start looking at me in the box like i'm some sort of criminal. mom had gone through before me and turned around to see me still in the box. her instinct is to come back to me to see what's up but the box won't allow it. i wave her off and my passport dude turns to see me gesturing. now he's giving me the "eye." i know i look pretty scary after 36+ hours of travel so using my looks (yeah right!) won't work this time. so i go with the "friendly American trying to use his language" to explain the situation. i could've used the "arrogant American where english is the only language to be spoken" attitude but i really didn't want to be stripped search. i explain that "my mama" is nervous by herself and that's why i'm gesturing. it totally worked. i didn't even have to flash my scar which i had wrapped up in a pashmina. don't wanna scare the natives yet.

we head to baggage claim. i see the "toilettes" and decide to make use of it. this is where it hits me that we are no longer in America. the bathroom smelled disgusting and the toilets had no seats. you have to breath shallow and try not to touch anything in the little room of a toilet. each toilet is a mini room rather than a stall and it smells disgusting. AND this is the women's bathroom. why it smells like urine everywhere, i have no frickin' clue. i'm nauseous just typing about it.

we immediately see our bags as they were the first to come off. i am SO happy it made it. you hear such horror stories about lost luggage.

we grab our stuff and head to the taxi stand. off we go to the hotel: Ergife Palace Hotel.

to be continued......

Weird pedi experience

2009-09-29T19:08:00.002-10:00

i had a weird experience today. i went to Windward Mall to get some last minute items for my Italy trip and decided at the last minute to get my toes ready too. i find a place at the mall and got a pedi scheduled right away. woohoo!!

so, let me start with the chairs....awesome! top notch massage chairs. then the bathtub your feet go into is lit up with florescent colors. it was like midnight bowling without the bowling. it would've been super-cool if they turned off the lights at one point to really enhance the effect. but then the pedi-curist wouldn't be able to see what they are working on with their sharp implements....so maybe we keep the lights on.

they had a big flat screen TV turned to CNN. awesome!! catch up on the news while getting my soon-to-be-aching feet ready for the cobblestone streets of Rome. another woohoo please!

here's the disturbing part: my pedi-curist. it was a dude....and he wasn't gay....AND he sort of looked like my manly friend Tai. disturbing!!! the pedi-dude was Vietnamese (Tai is Chinese), and he had hair (Tai shaves his head), but some of his features were Tai-ish. i was gonna try to take a photo of him while he was working on me but it would've been too obvious and a tad bit creepy on my part. it was already weird to think of a guy working on my toes. not sure why that is. i think i equate manly-dudes working on women's toes as being intimate. although that chinese peanut-breath dude in LA doesn't count as he beat me up...there was pain involved and not good pain. have i told that story? i guess i should for the sake of other people's safety as they don't wanna go to this "massage" parlor. story to come soon.....

anyway, my dude did an incredible job and had great hands. he did seem to work on my legs a little longer than necessary but it wasn't the painful massage that seems to be the norm nowadays. it felt really good........almost too good. ;-D

i'd totally recommend him and may return in a few months. i just gotta not look at him or i'll keep giggling at the thought of bald, manly, kick@ss Tai doing toenails creating pretty little flowers designs. if he and his wife end up having a girl next March...he may have a to resort to doing her nails as these places aren't cheap. start practicing on your wife, Tai!

this place also had little massage chairs in animal shapes for kids. there was a place for the feet and they got their own little Vizio DVD player. i'm gonna request the giraffe chair next time.

the lady next to me also had a dude working on her but he was an old dude -- grandpa-san...or whatever the Vietnamese equivalent is to that phrase. the lady had this huge wound on her foot from a horse stepping on her. talk about ewwww!!! why would you get a foot spa with a huge wound on your friggin' foot. no band-aid or anything. i was ready to urp when i saw it after it was soaking in the bath for a bit. do i need to describe the white filmy top layer of the wound? i won't mention how mushy it looked. was real glad her dude was wearing gloves. her dude was saying he could put a band-aid on it and i was "yeah...do that."

and her feet were strange looking. i made a comment about how her foot still looks all swollen from the horse stepping on it and she informed me that was the wrong foot.

ooops. foot in mouth. i started to feel bad by my faux pas but she then asked her guy if he could do a design on her toes that would slim-up her feet. the guy just looked at her. it was pretty funny as his face was totally deadpan. even my guy stopped what he was doing to look at this kook. slim...down...her...feet. wtf? is this what's next for celebrity doctors?

Recycle Bag Lady

2009-09-06T09:26:00.006-10:00

you might’ve read about my obsession with Sharpie markers. i am proud to say not one of them got sold at the garage/moving sale. they are all with me in various Starbucks mugs (another item i collect but not obsessively) throughout the cottage. just in case you get the urge to mark something, there’s a marker right there for you. they are my bouquet of flowers that never die.

so...i know i have an issue with the markers as i can’t help going down that aisle in any store to check for any new color combos. but i’ve come to a realization that i have another obsession that has crept up on me. it is slowly taking over my life or at least my new cottage. my new problem/illness/situation is that i have over 20 recycle bags. they make these “grocery” recycle bags so unique nowadays. especially the hawaiian ones. they are so cool looking and have different sizes and uses. you can have an extra large for your beach stuff, pizzas you buy at the store or your keg of beer (i keep hoping the man-Twins will show up); you can have the xtra small size to carry your wallet, cell, ebook and netbook; you can get the medium for all uses; you can get an insulated version to carry hot or cold items; or you can get one that just matches your Crocs. i love them ALL!!

i admit that i have 3 Trader Joe surf bags. they are durable and large and are super cool. i seriously use them. just ask my family. plus they were WAY cheap. $.99....HELLO! had to get ‘em. then i got some hand-made ones from Hilo. they have dolphins on it...need i say more. i also have a few that i got as gifts from others. i blame them for this new obsession. blame! blame! blame! of course it's my fault that i can't stop buying them. just say NO, jen.

my latest buy was the Hawaiian Target recycle bags. i used the excuse that i was getting them as xmas gifts for mainland friends and family. what a friggin’ crock of sh*t! i mean, yeah, i bought one for a possible gift but i didn’t have to buy the second one. they are pricey to begin with ($1.99) but so cool looking. we’ll see how useful the bag is in the next couple of days...

but my most favorite recycle bags that i use exclusively for groceries is my Olive Smart bags (http://olivesmart.com/). they rock!! someone gave these to me as a bday/xmas gift, but i can’t remember who (email me!). it’s 6 bags in one pouch. the material is like surf shorts so you can get them wet and they dry up lickety-split. easy to wash, cool colors and super strong material. the check-out people love to use them to bag my groceries. i SO should be a paid spokes-person for this company as i’ve explained this product so many times to grocery people. AND it holds a ton of food. it can fit 4 DiGiorno pizzas in one bag with room for my blocks of cheese (another obsession we won't get into right now). the bags expand to the point a baby could be held in it...but i would not advise it...Jason and Mac, i’m talking to you!

oh crap...i just went to the Olive site and noticed that they have new colors. so pretty! damn them.

bad boys, bad boys.....

2009-09-04T10:04:00.006-10:00

whatacha gonna do...whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

8:15pm 9/3/09

got some cops right outside my door. freakin' right there! 2 cars. lights flashing. they pulled over someone. YELLING at him to turn the car off. do NOT get out of the car! put yr hands on the steering wheel!

i had to blink a couple of times to figure out this was not a show i had DVR'd (i've been watching alot of cop shows for some reason). the cops have the driver (a kid no older than 17 but he was Filipino, so he could've actually been 55) get out and sit on the ground. funny...the kid seemed more upset that they are making him sit on the ground instead of being caught for something or other. kid: "on the ground?" cop: "on the ground." kid: "on the ground?" cop: "did i stutter? i said on the ground." kid: "but it's the ground." cop: "get on the ground NOW!"

2 young girls in the car with him. one of the cops told them that they better call someone to pick them up. one of the girls said she'll walk home. great...she lives nearby and picks winners like this guy to hang with...lovin' my neighborhood.

oooohhhh...now there's yelling. one of the girls is talking back to the other cop. is she stupid?! you never yell back. NEVER! the cop is right in her face yelling "say that again! i didn't hear you. say it one more time!" while the kid on the ground is yelling at the girl to shut up. i can't even tell what she's ranting about. the cop is telling her to say it again and she'll be arrested for harassment.

and even better....kid was pulled over for excessive speeding, no insurance and something else. a tow-truck just arrived and is hooking up the car. all this drama for speeding. friggin' awesome!!!

ok...now the kids are stranded in front of my place with the kid carrying his boogie board. they all start apologizing to the lady across the street from me. "sorry, aunty," they say. the minute the cops stopped the car with all the bells and lights and dweeping (dweep dweep), she grabbed her beer and lawnchair, and was sitting front and center. how tacky! i'm lucky. as i got the height on my patio deck to look down on everything and not have to go out on the street to witness everything. i was pruning my deck plants while keeping an eye on everything. yeah it was pitch dart but you can never prune too much. i think. i hope the plant has leaves tomorrow.

well, "aunty" is now giving them the "what for." at least she cares and just doesn't blow off the incident. oh and she's lecturing the girl on her being "sassy" with the cops. sassy, my arse. totally disrespectful and idiotic. 25 to life for being an idiot!!

man...so much action here compared to watching the geckos fight in my old place or discussing the state of the weather in minute detail with the g-parents....HELLO! it's friggin' Hawaii. we either have the a cloud or it's sunny! :-D

What a pile of Croc

2009-08-06T10:24:00.005-10:00

i've been following this writer, Steve Tuttle, in Newsweek...see his rants below. i find him really entertaining and funny. you don't expect that in a news mag. his latest rant-series deals with Crocs. yep...those wonderful plastic shoes that you have a pair or two or three of. you know you do. i do, although i sold a few at the garage/moving sale a couple of weeks ago. i'm down to only 2 pairs now. woohoo!!

i agree with this dude, Tuttle, that the original Crocs do look goofy and clown-like. BUT the "new" FiveFingers (aka Barefoot Alternative) really takes the cake on foot-wear weirdness. i giggled with astonishment while checking out the website. they totally look like gloves. this led me to check out my own feet and to imagine what these "shoes" would like on me. that's when i noticed that feet are really weird looking in itself. what is up with that? they are like hands but stubbier. that little toe is practically useless except to get it caught on something. look at your feet. move the toes around. i'm telling you they are weird looking! and now we've got a footwear to enhance that oddness. is this the right thing to do? there are some really really really really weird looking feet out there that don't need to be noticed. i'm talking about the people with "sideways toes" and the "over-reaching second toes." how they wear shoes...i don't know.

and i KNOW that only hippy-types will be wearing this new "shoe." and sure enough, the other night at dinner with my mom and grandparents, i noticed a fellow diner wearing the 5fingers. my first in-person sighting of the 5fingers and i wasn't even in Colorado. and the guy was a total hippy. i could tell by the way my grandfather was giving him the eye. it was the "damn hippy" eye. plus he had weird hair that looked like it just came out of dreds and was reading Plato (picture me rolling my eyes here). how predictable is THAT.

when the guy got up, he came near me and i asked him about his 5fingers. come to find out...this is his second pair. he just returned from Thailand (huh...again...how friggin' predictable! don't all the young hippies go there at some point in their lives nowadays? did they all get indoctrinated by Leonardo DiCaprio's movie The Beach?). his original 5fingers went kaput while there. luckily, he found a shop that sells them in Thailand and they were original 5fingers, not the knock-offs that are apparently selling like gang-busters in Thailand. who knew South-East Asians would go nutso for 5fingers?

i'm sure if the guy was wearing Crocs it wouldn't have died on him. there seems to be no way to destroy Crocs unless you put them in a chipper. i even think they are fire-repellent. may be we should throw Crocs at the Southern Cal fires and smother it? or cover the Mt. Wilson Observatory with Crocs for protection? or maybe the Myth Busters dudes should test this theory out first....

anyway, the guy told me that it feels like you are walking barefoot but without the "ouch! ouch!" when stepping on baby rocks or hot lava. huh...feels like walking barefoot? that sounds pretty cool. of course, it's just as healthy if you actually walked barefoot, and cheaper too. these 5fingers are $75+ for the most basic model...and they don't last forever like Crocs. but if you want...send me a pair (size 8) so i can give you a "real" review. ;-D

http://www.newsweek.com/id/150240
http://www.newsweek.com/id/154409
http://www.newsweek.com/id/207392?tid=relatedcl
http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

my addiction...i confess

2009-02-13T18:55:00.005-10:00

i’ve got an addiction. it’s been going for years. i’ve never admitted this to anyone...not even to myself. i guess i felt that if i acknowledge this addiction, it would give it power. at first i didn’t think it was a problem. how could i have an addiction? that’s ridiculous! not me? and to be addicted to that? no freakin’ way!

but i’ve noticed lately that when i’m stressed or discombobulated i have to have it...and i need more. and why do they keep making it? don’t they understand that they are just feeding the problem? contributing to the downfall of society? or at least making sure that society is all marked up? i ask why? why produce these addictive items in which i can’t resist getting more and more of them. when i see them i literally start shaking and vibrating with excitement. even though i already have a pack or more at home (maybe even containers of them)...i just need more!! MORE!!!!!!!

i confess. i can’t hold it in any longer. i was at Costco today....and i bought another pack. but it was bigger than any pack i’ve EVER gotten before. it was a beautiful pack. friggin’ gorgeous! i just know that i’ll be fine for awhile now. i won’t need more. i’ll be fine. really! how can they top this?

my addiction is to Sharpie. yes, beautiful Sharpie pens. from the fine points to the fat tips. to the cap markers or the re-tractables which you can get fine or ultra fine. absolutely incredible selections! i’m confessing right now that a week ago i bought the latest ultra fine point retractable Sharpies from Staples in Chino Hills. i was technically suppose to be returning something but had to use the bathroom. it’s not MY fault that the friggin’ store has the pen aisle lined up with the restrooms. you HAVE to walk down that aisle in order to get there. and then they caught my eyes....8 beautiful colors ranging from black to orange to aqua and a blue-green. there is also a lime green. and it was NEW. just released. needless to say i didn’t get any money back from my return since it went towards the purchase of the much needed ultra fine retractable Sharpies. i think i might’ve been on the way to the airport too. ahhhhhhhhh! i was so happy to get this new set of Sharpies. absolutely sublime.

but then i went to Costco today. evil evil Costco. and there it was....in one of the very first aisles. i thought i was satisfied. i thought i had it under control. i had to stop my iPod as it was distracting me from the brilliance of this find. the only song that would’ve been appropriate at that moment was “Alleluia” by the Benedictine Monks...but alas, i didn’t have it on my iPod. this Sharpie pack is 24 colors, fine point with a bonus marker. AND it has limited edition Cafe colors. LIMITED EDITION!!! i had to get it. i needed the earl grey, blueberry, pomergrante, hibiscus tea and the mocha colors. we’ve never had those colors before with Sharpie. friggin’ A! it’s like Christmas or something. they are all so beautiful. so beautiful and colorful. it’s a color extravaganza of 24 colors with an bonus marker of periwinkle. at least i think it’s periwinkle. i really wish Sharpie would mark the markers with the name of the color...like Crayon. hello! it would only make sense, yeah? so this extra color (maybe baby blue?) makes it 25 colors. 25 COLORS IN THE PACK!!! friggin’ awesome! i’m so satisfied. i need a cigarette.

2009-02-10T14:44:00.003-10:00

i've been gone for about a month and returned home late in the evening. the next morning i opened the frig for some breakfast and it was EMPTY. some milk, a few eggs, half a sour cream and condiments was all that was in there. did my g-parenets have a party and use up ALL the food in the house? the pantry is skeletal so i go out to the big freezer in the garage and that's EMPTY too. no wonder my g-pa has been giving me hints to get my fanny to the grocery store! he's starving!

so today i head to Safeway. i just finished buying them out. man, i miss mainland prices. hey, check out Fresh & Easy if you have one near you. WAY better than Whole Foods and cheaper. cheaper than Trader Joe's too.

i usually end my grocery experience in the bread section where i stand there confused on the type of bread to get. you've got 12 grain, 9 grain, seeds, fiber, white, sourdough, sweet, or butter. i usually end up with butter. i always fall for it. hoping against hope that it is buttery but it never is...those ba*tards! i must've looked even more clueless than usual as the bread dude, Ken, took pity on me and my melting ice creams (one for g-pa and one for me, of course). he gave me the scoops on the different grains of bread and the different seeds used on and in the breads. we also talked about when we were kids and the only selections available on island were Love's white or wheat. noticing my melting ice cream on the floor he recommended some breads and suggested that i get my ice cream just before check out. now, being portuguese and all fluster that he noticed my growing puddle, i explain to him that i just follow the layout of the store...otherwise i would've thought it through since i did go to college. and then i booked it out of the bread section. i'm pretty sure i heard Ken snickering.

anywaaaaay...just to satisfy your curiosity, i finally settled on the fiber for the g-parents and a seed Omega-3 wheat for mom and i. let me know if you have any questions for Ken. i'll wear my abaya to ask him your questions so he won't recognize me as that dumb@ss portagee girl with the melting ice cream.

Thanksgiving Eve

2008-11-26T21:32:00.004-10:00

i decided to brave the streets on this Thanksgiving Eve and drove into Kailua Town to run some errands. it’s about a 5 minute drive from my house to this Town...unless there are idiots driving about...then it’s about a 20 minute drive. frickin’ idiots. my first stop was Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. it was uneventful except for the idiots in front of me who couldn’t decide on what they wanted to drink and kept thinking they were in Starbucks and ordering in Starbuck-ese. idiot: “venti, please.” coffee clerk (cc): “large?” idiot: “no venti!” cc: “you mean a large or do you want regular?” it was a good thing that i told myself before i left my driveway to be patient today and to understand that there will be stupid idiots out there. so expect to get nothing accomplished, jen. and who the hell decided “venti” is a large?! it does mean the number 20 in italian...nothing relating to size unlike “grande.” and tall? wtf!

anyway, after finally getting my correctly ordered drink lickety-split (i have it typed up and laminated in my wallet), i headed to UPS to drop off a package. it’s located right across the street from where i was parked. but the street is hella-crazy to walk across, so i drove over. as i was waiting for break in traffic to scurry across in my car, i notice this big yellow Hummer-tank trying to back out of a space right in front of UPS. i thanked the parking gods for my good luck...but much to my dismay the friggin’ guy backs up into the truck next to him. i saw the whole thing and i still couldn’t figure out how he did it. somehow he did this weird damage and i could see him wrestling on whether to take off from the scene. he’d be a frickin’ IDIOT to try and get away because of these reasons: 1. it’s a flippin’ YELLOW HUMMER. 2. it’s a tiny parking lot that was totally filled. 3. it’s one of the busiest days of the year with tons of people around as well as dogs as there is vet next door to the UPS store (and dogs can be used as witnesses...i saw it on Law&Order SVU so it’s gotta be true). 4. did i mention is a bright @ss yellow HUMMER? 5. finally, it’s an island...he’s not gonna get very far if we called the cops into play. he did the right thing and waited while the owner came racing out of UPS. busted! i didn’t even have to do my civic duty and rat his Hummer arse out. bummer.

my next stop was the u.s. “suck me dry with weird fees” post office. i went in to mail my christmas cards. HEY...I WAITED AT LEAST 'TILL TURKEY DAY WAS IN SIGHT! people will get my cards AFTER thanksgiving so that’s allowed. ask Emily Post. anywayyyyyyy...i got these really cool cards from Costco. it’s all creative and puffy (i’m puffy but not creative ;-) ). i heard the groan from the people behind me standing in the long @ss line when i pulled out all of my cards. i became smug and overconfident with my efficiency as i tilted one of the cards towards the peanut gallery. i heard some guy whisper “they’re all stamped.” next, a big gust of wind from the sighs of relief was felt. but then i asked the question...”is this enough postage” (‘cause i was all smug and all) and i wanted that elusive "awesome customer" award (oh, it's out there, people!), and all the air was sucked back out of the room. a big groan came next when my postal dude said “nope” and went to look for some device to show me why. he couldn’t find it and seemed to get flustered as i asked why i would be charged extra if they were the same size as the other cards. he finally gave up looking for the “device” and told me that the cards were over-thick. yep, over-thick. and the charge would be +$0.42 on the already $0.42 i have on there. WHAT?!! 2 stamps? it's not double the fun, here. friggin’ A. i gave up trying to argue the fact that you can smoosh my cards thickness until it was of “regular” thickness as the huffing behind me from the line was getting louder. i cracked. i grabbed my cards and dumped them back in my Trader Joe’s recycle bag and booked it out of there. i had a couple of books of stamps at home i could use...there was NO WAY i was gonna have the postal dude tally it all up and post each one while the monkeys behind me start breathing MORE of their germs on me. i swear a couple of them sneezed on me on the way out. i used my whole x-large container of handi-wipes in the post office parking lot to wash the cooties away.

i next had to go to Don Quijote aka Daie aka local-Japanese version of Kmart but way smaller. they carry the green tea my mom drinks and she needed a few bottles. as i was walking to the tea section i saw 2 ladies. one was really really older (90+ years) and the other lady was just older (70-80 years). what intrigued me about them was the older lady. she was wearing high heel wedges. pretty cool for an older lady as she was walking like she was wearing slippers. i know i couldn’t pull it off as gracefully (put some oxfords on me, though, and i’ll kick some runway @ss!). but it was this lady’s one-piece turquoise bathing suit with a miniscule see-thru wrap around her hips that mesmerized me...as well as her very red lopsided wig. it was quite a sight, let me tell you! i started following her around to grab a picture on my cell phone but dang she can move in those heels. i finally caught up with her at the checkout counter and elbowed a woman out of the way so i could be right behind the older lady. while she was busy situating the really older lady on a chair to rest before checkin out, i was able to snap a photo. mission complete! except i forgot about the flippin’ tea. dangnabit!

i finally ended my round of errands at Safeway to pick up ice for my grandfather. the parking lot was insane! frickin’ unbelievable insane. and all of the handi-capped spots were filled. wth! i debated on leaving and looking for ice in Antarctica but a spot opened up. the woman backing out almost hit and killed a large older man slowly walking with a cane. you couldn’t miss the guy, he was that big! and he was moving so slow you couldn’t miss his slow shuffle. once i made sure he wasn't going into cardiac arrest from THAT scare, i bopped into the spot, got the ice and left the store. i had a car follow me to my parking spot and in no time i started backing out...when an impatient IDIOT got too impatient and impatiently drove around the car waiting for me to leave. the car almost hits me broadside. HORNS HONKING EVERYWHERE!!! me included, although i was facing the wrong way so the people in front of me thought i was honking at them. i just threw them a shaka and it was all good. i finally back out and roll down the window to throw a thank you shaka at the car waiting for my spot as she made room for me to get the frick out of the space. we gave each other the mutual “thank you...no thank you” waves and off i escaped to get my booty home.

i’ve learned to take a step back and be thankful for my experiences as i took so much for granted before. any experience...good or bad. it means i’m frickin’ alive.

hope you have a nice relaxing day stuffing yourselves with tons of food. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Working out

2008-10-08T09:18:00.003-10:00

i spent my work-out time yesterday walking in costco. well...that was a big f*ckin' mistake. i walked every aisle and then walked out of there with costco employees cheering me and one customer asking me sarcastically if i knew that there was a recession going on. dude, i haven’t been in there in months and there is friggin’ xmas stuff everywhere. it was crazy! crazily enough, i didn’t buy much food items...as i usually do. it was all stuff. stuff for birthdays coming up. stuff for xmas. stuff for my dumb-@ss dvd collection. how can anyone pass up a digitally restored collector’s edition of tim burton’s “nightmare before christmas?” hello...it’s jack skellington, the pumpkin king of halloween town!!!! damn you, costco.

It's the OLYMPICS!!! my thoughts...

2008-08-16T11:46:00.008-10:00

i love the olympics. it's got everything...drama, sports, various ages participating, and healthy competition within the international arena. some friends of mine consider me addicted, especially as i don't seem watch much sports games throughout the year. but it's the OLYMPICS...how can you NOT watch with anticipation the competition between the very best athletes in the WORLD who are mainly competing for the sake of competing and do their country proud. unlike american sports where the athletes seem to get more spoiled by the year and the games have become all about the money rather than the sport and the fun of competing. where's the dedication? as an olympian, dedication is ingrained, training is brutal and it's survival of the fittest is key. whether you win or you lose, an olympian remains an olympian forever.

i don't understand how anyone can miss that asians tend to age slower than caucasians and other ethnic groups. this may be why the chinese womens gymnastics may look younger than others. considering the amount of training these chinese women have to maintain throughout their lives...i consider that equal to other standards. not too mention the threat of death by their own gov't if they lose---allegedly!!!!

hey, what is up with handball? i didn't even know this is an olympic sport. running, jumping, hurdles, rowing, wrestling...it get that the ancients competed in those sports but handball? i don't understand it...is it basketball? is it soccer? is it lacrosse? how the hell did this sport get overlooked when the IOC decided to get rid of softball and baseball. yeah...baseball and softball are american dominated sports. so, if that's the issue and the criteria for eliminating them, then get rid of badminton it seems only china and indonesia dominate THAT "sport."

i love watching volleyball. whether it's team or beach...it just fun to watch. especially beach volleyball where it seems amercian music rules and it's a friggin' beach party in cali rather than in the motherland. the dj plays like 20 songs over and over so that by the time the first set is over, even the afghanis watching the game (in the stands or in their tent) can sing the first 3 lines of chumbawamba's "i get knock down/but i get up again/you never gonna keep me down" or queen's "we will rock you."

and why do the men's beach volleyball get dancing girls during the breaks/time-outs? why can't the women's volleyball get some straight "thunda from downundas?" sheesh! grab some of the soccer guys from brazil...i know they'll dance for the women's beach v-ball. those guys will dance for anything...and i MEAN anything.

speaking of beach v-ball...i just watched beach v-ball between georgia and netherlands. georgia won in only 2 sets and let's just say the dude with the curly hair on the georgia team was very HAPPY about that...especially south of the border. after the game point, he made a dramatic run from the sand ALL the up to the top of the stands to stand by the georgian flag. and this is where you can see his "happiness" prominently or as the chinese would describe it "his sacred jade." what's even more interesting than THAT is the georgian beach v-ball players are actually brazilian. they gave up their citizenship and couldn't play for 2 years in order to play for georgia. we are talking about the country of georgia or the republic of georgia...not the banjo-playing, "squealin' like a pig" georgia. so what the hell do these guys know that we don't that they would give up their citizenship to a county now at war with friggin' Russia? raise your hand if you think it's just a matter of time before georgia is gobbled up by the ruskies! cease-fire, my arse.

anyway.....................back to th big O (olympics, i mean). why do i find synchronized swimming so fascinating and scary. it's so fascinating to see how long these women are able to hold their breath and do all those intricate moves with their legs (let's see if phleps can do THAT! i still think they should check his DNA for dolphin or seal chromosomes). but it's so frickin' scary when the pop out of the water and you see their faces. YIKES!!!

as this is an olympics where so many of the sport events are being televised for the first time, the announcers for the sychronized swimming were scrabbling to get a clue on how the sport was actually judged. they finally got a professtional and former synch swimmer to help explain the sport. there's the swordfish move and the blender as well as the scissors with a bit of chopping involved. i felt like i was watching to the Food Network. i confess that i might've made up a few of those names but that's what the moves looked like to me. before they get into the water they do some weird-a** pose before diving into the water. then the swimmers pop out at the end of the routine with grins that rivals the joker's in this years batman. the make-up...omg...the make-up is sooooo scary. worse than tammy fae baker, ariel from little mermaid at disneyland and amy winehouse put together. it's no wonder this sport wasn't telelvised mainstream. it's too scary to have close-ups.

Geek Squad to the Rescue!

2008-08-14T09:31:00.008-10:00

while in LA, one day i had sound on my laptop...then i get salmonella...get out of the hospital...logon to my laptop...update my system...things are working...then the next day i have NO sound. i can't listen to my iTunes, videos, Windows Media Player, or play any games. it was weird. i tried to figure out the problem but everything seemed fine and they were no viruses. i just had no sound. so, i took my laptop to the Geek Squad (GS) at Best Buy (BB) here in Hawaii.

i was reluctant to go to GS since my last trip to them in DC/Virginia ended up costing me over $100 for them to tell me to send it to Sony as they couldn't fix it. muthas!!!

so i drag myself to BB thinking i was gonna just leave my laptop there and come back a couple weeks later when it was "repaired." hopefully. i labeled everything on it with my name: the laptop...the battery on the laptop...the 2 cords. i didn't want no switcheroos! i also marked it with my invisible pen/powder so i can use my ultraviolet light to verify they didn't switch my stuff and just put my labels on the crap they switch my stuff with....OK....i didn't do that last one with the powder but i was tempted. where’s the trust?

i get to BB and there are 2 GS dudes. one was a talkative haole (white person) kid who had a tattoo of a star on his left temple but tried to cover it with make-up but that made it worse. i couldn't stop staring at it. it was just badly done. i'm thinking the dude does not have a girlfriend to help him. the other was an Asian (Aiea) dude that showed no emotions except 2: impatience and disinterest. i'm like PRAYING to get the haole guy. the customer he was working with was an old computer geek who looked like Woz. he was wearing short-shorts and a tight orange ti-shirt over his big belly...and he kept leaning on the counter...sort of bending over. yeeeeech!!! you couldn’t help but watch as the shorts kept rising and rising.

i totally started off wrong with the GS dudes by not signing in. there weren’t any other geek customers and i didn’t see the dang sign-in sheet, so i just sat down on the chair in front of the counter, trying to look friendly and not confrontational. but i could feel myself losing the friendly look as the old-computer-daisy-duke-geek kept manipulating the time of the haole GS. freakin’ Asian GS gets rid of his customer but then starts playing the "don't make eye contact with the customer and we can pretend she's not waiting especially since she didn't sign in" game. the Asian GS was playing that avoidance game real good. he was a frickin’ pro. Olympic caliber. finally...as the daisy-duke geek started wrapping up his dissertation on battery usage for Sony products...the the Asian GS calls me over. DANGNABIT!!! freakin' A! my luck sucks!

i'm totally thinking i'm gonna get the blow off from the Asian GS. his whole attitude was telling me that i was an idiot for even having an electronic. kind of like the car service guys when i go in for a check-up...i know they think i shouldn’t even have a vehicle since i’m ALWAYS late for my oil change.

since i was being presented with this attitude from the GS, i changed my approach in explaning what’s wrong with my laptop. i had all my notes and dates and was SO ready to launch into a detailed account of what happened and what was wrong and how i tried to fix it...yada yada yada. when he asked in his curt tone what was my issue, i went with “no sound” then i shut up. he didn’t say anything and proceeded to work on my computer.

as he didn’t seem to want to send my computer to geeks in the back and try to swindle me, i just stood there while he worked on it...right there in front of me. i was nervous and excited. a GS was actually working on my laptop and i was a witness. :-) yeah!

as he worked silently doing his thing, i just stood there trying not to look like an idiot. i started to listen to the customer/lady next to me who was trying to get a refund but sounded like she was trying to cheat BB. her explanation was long, confusing and stupid. the haole GS kept trying to get her focus and explain the actually reason for the refund but off she would go about the day she was born, how the world has turn to crap, etc. the GS kept asking “how is this relevant to you not needing spyware protection on your son’s laptop? and wasn’t the spyware automatically installed once your purchased it?”

it soon became apparent that my GS dude was the manager as he finally cut in on the 5^th stupid explanation about aliens, not illegal aliens, visiting her and her son, and told the other GS to give her the refund. i think he actually grunted and then said “give her the refund.” the other GS didn’t even question or try to argue that the woman was obviously trying to cheat the system...he just did it.

now...i was impressed with my GS and his powers but still wondering if he was just playing solitaire on my laptop while making me stand there and wait. in defense of the waiting and the loss of the entertaining but mentally challenged customer (who got her friggin' refund), i bust out my Sony portable reader system (PRS-505) to read one of the books i downloaded. my mom got me this device for my last birthday and it is awesome. especially if you are a reader. it is so easy to carry around and it holds over 160 books...more if you download to a memory card.

i start reading and then all of the sudden my GS guy comes alive and animated. he starts asking me a gazillion questions about the Sony PRS. it was like someone plugged him in or something. i couldn’t answer him fast enough. then the other GS dude gets involved with the conversation. after 20 minutes of them discussing the PRS, the haole GS dude asks my guys “do you read alot?” and he answers, “no.” i couldn’t believe it. no? NO? what the hell is he so excited about then if you don’t frickin’ read?!!!

the next thing i knew, my former non-talkative-samurai-Geek-Squad-assister-now-turned-best-friend is telling me that he fixed my laptop and starts playing Brother Iz from my Windows Media Player. i was so happy. i’m not even gonna tell you what he did to fix it as it was such an easy solution...ok....i’ll tell so you have the solution if you ever have the problem. he didn’t say what actually happened for me to lose sound but he uninstalled and then reinstalled my sound device. friggin’ duh, yeah?! i almost reached over to kiss his Buddha face but held myself back. when i asked how much for the work...he said no charge. i couldn’t believe my luck! i guess i can go back to my bank and return the loan i took out. :-D

shake shake shake! shake shake shake! shake your booty!

2008-08-06T17:53:00.008-10:00

i can now say i have survived an earthquake. who would’ve predicted that Chino Hills would be the epi-center of a 5.6 earthquake? what the heck is going on? and why do i always seem to be SO lucky to have experienced such a thing?! wtf?!!

let me break the quake moments i experienced down for you:

the quake started out slowly. i was on my way to the post office (p.o.) in my friends Toyota Tundra (big a** truck). as i was drove by a construction site near the p.o., i felt the truck shake and heard a rumble. at first, i thought something was up with the truck engine but the truck didn’t stall. then, i thought it was the constructions dudes that might’ve hit the truck or something. when i looked around the truck during a red light, i didn’t see any damage to the it.

so onward i go.

i get there, park in my handi-cap spot, and mail my package. i head back to the truck and slide into the driver’s seat. as i turn the key to start the truck, it starts rockin’ like the craziest ride at Disneyland (“wildest ride in wilderness!!!” – Big Thunder Mountain http://gocalifornia.about.com/od/toppicturegallery/ig/Disneyland-Rides-Frontierland/Big-Thunder-Mountain-Railroad.htm). my head was whipping back and forth and i was trying to hang on to anything in that cab.

now, i’m not sure why...but my immediate thought while all the rumbling and shaking was going on was that the engine was gonna blow! really. the engine was on it’s way to exploding with me in the truck. either from a bomb that was placed under the truck (by those bastard Chino Hills groundhogs in retaliation for my murdering their brethren in my friends yard last summer) or because i somehow put the wrong gasoline in when i filled up the day before. i just knew that i had to get out of that truck immediately.

so, i bolt out of the cab and head for the palm tree (thank goodness a car wasn’t parked next to me or i would’ve had to somehow jump and roll over the hood to get to the tree!). not noticing until later that i’m barefoot, i’m trying to hide my body behind the tree (‘cause that’s what they always do on CSI when a car blows and they survive); but the friggin’ tree is shaking like it was in a category 4 hurricane (i know hurricanes...let me tell ya). now i’m looking up at the tree thinking what the hell is wrong with it as it’s a clear blue sky day with no wind.

that’s when i noticed the grandma-lady.

she’s standing a little ways from the truck with her armed crooked to hold her handbag. she is a stylish california grandma with that look of superiority (you KNOW she lives in a gated community somewhere in Chino Hills). anyway, i glance over at her and she is staring at me. i'm not sure if she’s upset ‘cause she heard me swearing on my way out of the truck and at the friggin’ tree, or if she's worried about some hispanic-looking chick (i'm portuguese not mexican, lady!) acting crazy; but she tells me, “honey, it’s only an earthquake” in that tone that convey's what an idiot she thinks i am.

it took me a moment or 2 to process what she said as i was worried about her getting blown up since she was in blast range. then it dawned on me what she said...and that i might've over-reacted. just a bit.

since i was out of breath (my lungs aren’t quite up to speed yet from all the operations), i just kind of waved at her and threw a grin at her although it was shaky. i shuffled my way back to the truck and watched as the grandma-lady shake her head and make her way into the p.o., which i thought was more stupid than me running around and ducking behind trees. hello! big earthquake...building might be unstable....???!!!! friggin’ californians think they know it all and are invincible. like...what-ev-er.

la la town aka hell

2008-07-08T20:03:00.005-10:00

i finally arrive in LA a week and half ago when a few days later BAM!!! i’m so sick (fever, nausea, pain-to-the-point-of-cutting-my-stomach-open cramping, vomiting, diarrhea, headache from hell, body aches) that i can't even keep water down let alone take my life-saving medications. having to take 40+ pills is daunting as it is but try doing it while nauseous and you are seriously praying to every god there is while bent over the porcelain-"thrown" (as i was "throwing" EVERYTHING up including my reproductive system). i even promised to stop swearing if the pain went away....unluckily (or luckily) the pain continued so i can still friggin’ swear all the hell i want…especially while i’m in pain. :-)

i finally gave in after a day of hell and went to the ER of my hospital (cedars sinai). you know that you’ve been to a hospital too often when as i roll into the ER unit and the docs and nurses call me out like Norm on Cheers. JayLOoooo!! for once the JLO worked to my advantage as it got me an ER bed almost immediately. my moaning, rocking and the gray cast to my face might've helped as well.

after stabbing me repeatedly trying to find a vein to get the IV started, the ER folks finally got the nausea and cramping under control. next, they send me to ICU as my immune system had been severely compromised by not being able to take my meds for over a day…and there were WAY too many sick people around me.

ok….next i have 1001 docs checking me out (not THAT way) asking me the same frickin’ questions over and over (have you visited any foreign countries? did you eat any tomatoes or raw fish? na-duh! hello! isn’t in my chart that i’m anal and follow the rules as the nuns of sacred hearts academy taught me! i know i can no longer eat raw fish or meat and have to wash all fruits and veggies. it’s ingrained in my brain now, med-folks.). they all wanted to test me (kidney doc, spleen doc, cardiac doc, intestinal doc, center for disease and control doc, hair doc, doc for my big toe, etc) but were vague on the details of the actual tests. they would say “we wanna do a CT scan and take some samples” and my interpretation to this was a basic CT scan where i lie down and get scanned with a big machine which would take 15 minutes max; and then take some blood samples. BUT NOOOOOOOO!!! i assumed incorrectly. bad jen….bad bad jen.

by now i’m severely dehydrated from the past day and half of losing liquid from all open orifices of my body. i was not allowed to drink anything at the hospital 'cause they weren't sure what was causing my issues. BUT i was given an orange solution with ice to drink that was "contrast" so when they did the CT scan my innards would light up. i was grateful for finally getting something to drink even though it tasted like crap, as the IV fluids were doing nothing for my dry mouth and throat.

i get wheeled into the CT scan room and proceed to switch myself from my rolling bed to the scanning bed. i’ve done this so many times that i practically levitate myself from bed to bed with no effort at all and no loss of gown either. once i got situated the voice from above (intercom dude who gives you directions on breathing and such during the scan) tells me to please turn on to my left side. wow….that's different from my usual chest scans but thought maybe they wanna see my intestines from all sides.

all i can say is that i was thankful for the morphine they had given me to prior to the scan ‘cause the next thing that i knew some asian dude nurse with no sense of humor tells me not to push out. i’m like “push what out?” and then the next thing i know i’m getting something shoved into my rectum…yep…my rectum. so, of course not being prepared for this i start pushing out and the dude-nurse is yelling at me in a heavy vietnamese accent not to push out. i tell him “sorry but it sort of hurts and i wasn’t prepared.” he tells me “good.”

good? good??!! what the hell does that mean? then he tells me i’ll start feeling some discomfort as the enema starts up. WHAT?!! WHAT FRIGGIN’ ENEMA??!!!!!!! before i could even ask what the hell he was talking about…the enema starts and the “some discomfort” was majorly understated. i couldn’t even breathe. i started panting like i was in labor…and then the cramping started. it was so bad that the morphine was wiped out of my system immediately. i mention to whoever could hear me that i’m cramping painfully…and again i get the “good” as well as “it won’t be long. about 5-10 minutes” (use heavy vietnamese accent at those quotes). bullsh*t! not long is 1-2 minutes. then they tell me i can lie on my back. AND PUSH THE BIG-ASS DEVICE FURTHER IN ME?! nuh-uh!!! i tell them i don’t think that’s gonna happen but asian nurse-dude is persistent and pushes me on my back. ooooooh, I would’ve smacked his vietnamese a** back to vietnam if i wasn’t stuck with the telephone pole up my butt.

and then the scan begins…and ends eons later. i was actually grateful to the nurse dude by then for removing the item from my behind. as they wheeled me out i suggested they should warn a person before violating them….or at least give them a higher dosage of pain meds.

the wait for the results now begins. the docs had no idea what was wrong with me but there was talk of removing my appendix, which thankfully i had a scar to prove that it was removed since they had no record of it at this hospital (got it done in Hawaii) and they wanted to proceed with that operation anyway...until I whipped out that scar. whatev.

then there was talk of removing my spleen or maybe the top half of my colon. wtf!!! i was trying not to freak out as they still hadn't finished all the tests yet. how the hell can they even think about operating when they have no idea where to go. i blame the bad economic situation that has made these docs desperate for income. compared to 2^nd and 3^rd world countries…americans are pretty healthy. so any operation they can get away with...i guess they'll try to do. i say this only because there really was no reason for the removal of my appendix when it was removed; and because i've received bills from doctors i have never seen but apparenly have read my chart and wrote it in. thank goodness my regular docs and specialists (raissi, czar, shirvani and schwartz) aren't money-grabbing medical whores (MGMW) and at least come to visit me or answer my call for help IMMEDIATELY. i at least wanna see the docs to know whose kids i'm putting through college.

now after the MGMW visit, in comes a bunch of nurses who are now gonna take some samples that the MGMW ordered. i get my arms ready (it helps to flex your muscles just before they attempt to draw blood. makes your veins stand out and makes it easier for the nurses to not jab you a gazillion times.). they take my blood and the next thing i know they are asking me to turn on my side. HUH? WHAH? hamadahamda. flash back to paragraph 5. what the hell is going on? i’ve learned my lesson and asked them why they want me to turn. they cheerful said they need an anal swab. freakin’ great. whimpering quietly to myself, i turn to my side...and i can’t even describe that bit of fun. so onward.

two days go by with negative results from most of the tests when finally i got a positive hit: salmonella poisoning. See this site for further info: http://www.cdc.gov/nczved/dfbmd/disease_listing%20/salmonellosis_gi.html

at least we had an answer and now they can focus on giving me one antibiotic instead of the 50+ they were dosing me with by the hour. they don’t have clue on how i got this infection but it warrant severe treatment since my immune system is so compromised. if the infection had gotten into my blood stream it would have caused my new heart to start rejecting and i would need another transplant. the docs and i went round and round on what i ate since i arrived in LA and what i had in Hawaii prior to my flight here. the only thing they can see as a possibility is possible fruits or veggies that weren’t washed well in a restaurant or when i made lasagna 2 nights prior although my housemates were fine.

they move me down to the cardiac unit so that MY docs (raissi, czar, shirvani and schwartz) can have more control over my care rather than the ICU MGMW. apparently, hospitals work just like the government. my docs would have to get permission with the supervisors of the ICU before they can do anything to help me which caused a lot of delays. the nurses really understood my frustration as well as my docs since the residents were all brand new in ICU and were writing up tests for me that i was not allowed to have because of my dissection. AND they wanted to put more IV lines in me that would hinder any further cardiac exam in the next month. not good.

oooohhhhh…those dumba** residents (DAR) were asking for a smack down. they would come into my room and would say “tell me your story.” i would look at them and say where do you want me to start. their response would be from the beginning. i was so tempted to pull a "Goonies" and the "Jerk", and respond with “i was born in 1970 to a poor portagee family in Hawaii…” but I knew i couldn’t keep a straight face while saying it since i was so loopy. so for the next hour i stump their a**es with 2003 dissection all the way to current. i could tell they had wanted only info from the past few days but hey, they left it wide open and i figured it would help them to know my background so they don’t screw up and order tests and such that would kill me………well, i was soooo wrong on thinking they would take the info i gave them and use it wisely. i became very leary of these residents but tried to be helpful and pleasant since i still wanted to get pain meds and they authorized them. i was SO lucky to have my friend sam and my cousin tasha to act as my advocates when I got so bleary from the dumba** questions. the residents could’ve answer their own questions themselves if they just read my friggin' chart like the nurses did. the nurses also helped to run interference since they did read my chart and knew to double check all orders from the DAR with MY docs after the debacle of the DAR trying to order tests that would kill me. NURSES ROCK!!!!!

i finally get on the cardiac unit floor which reunited me with nurses that took care of me during my recover post-transplant. talk about PAR-TAY!!! not really but it was good to see them and be able to thank them for all their hard work last year. one of the nurses fell in love with my PEBL cell phone last year, she had her hubby get a pink one for her. she had fun showing it to me.

it was even good to see the filipina nurse i had last year that i could never understand. she has a really really heavy accent and i grew up in Kalihi where tagalog and ilicano was the first language. thankfully, she understood me when i said i was in pain...and that's all that mattered.

i am now back in chino hills at my friend's home recuperating. talk about wipe-out. this is NOT a diet plan i would recommend. i would rather have my chest reopened than have salmonella again. so...wash your fruits and veggies and cook your food thoroughly!

heading to LA

2008-05-29T10:54:00.006-10:00

it's that time again where i become a guinea pig and head to LA for my medical tests. my docs will be checking for any rejection i may be developing by doing a biopsy: http://www.medicinenet.com/myocardial_biopsy/article.htm

and then i'll have exams to check my aortic dissection: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepages/18073.htm

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000181.htm

i'll be in LA for about a month and a half for these tests. my docs have also asked that i be part of a study on heart transplantees....so i'll be "auditioning" for that while i'm in their hands. should be interesting and hopefully helpful to future patients.

another reason i'm heading to LA is for the 3rd annual Bicuspid Aortic Foundation conference:
http://www.bicuspidfoundation.com/#Anchor77

the flights were so expensive this time around with the airlines beginning their summer airfare wars as well as the lost of a couple of airlines. really do your research on the internet for cheap flights.

i'm really not looking forward to all the tests but what can you do. necessary evil, yeah? i just wish the friggin' hospital gowns were updated.

Running for to save lives

2008-05-09T11:44:00.008-10:00

http://pages.teamintraining.org/ocie/nikesf08/lchow

one of the most influential people in my life is my friend Lesley "Sam" Chow. but she (and her hubby) went beyond the call when they opened their home to me while i waited for a new heart and recovered from the operation...the span of time was about a year. there are so many little and big things that she has done for me...to numerous to list as i've known her since kindergarten.

her generous, creative and caring spirit (we won't go into her mischievous side as that would take DAYS to explain) has again struck. she is in training to run a marathon to help raise awareness and funds to find a cure for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. when you view her link above, you'll get a feel of her personality as well as her dedication...especially to children. i know i could not have recovered, mentally and physically, as quickly or wholly if i did not have her at my side (and my mumsy too! and my cugina tashi!). please donate if you can.

one of my cousins, Mary Lopez Schell, is in remission from non-hodgkins Stage 4 Mantle cell Lymphoma for the past 5 years. i donated in honor of her and Sam.

in the early part of this decade, Sam trained and ran a marathon to raise awareness and money for AIDS. the marathon took place in Hawaii but her training was in LA. i was "lucky" enough to have visited her during one of her training sessions. we had to get up SUPER early in the morning and drive to Brentwood where the training took place. i was on vacation so getting up early was NOT fun. but i was willing to sacrifice my vacation sleep-in to support my friend...also there might've been a chance to view some celebrities since they were hangin' in Brentwood at the time. ;-D luckily we got some Starbucks before the training, which helped tremendously to brighten our morning. we arrived at the area where the participants broke into their running/walking groups. Sam was a runner...so proud of her (wiping tear from my eye)...unless a pack of komodo dragons are chasing me...i don't run for crap. anyway, i didn't want to look like a total loser so i volunteered myself to help out. the organizers put me towards the end of the route and then were stupid enough to give me a flag! hehehehehe! i was suppose "guide" the runner/walkers WITH MY FLAG by making a circle clockwise with my arm and flag...not counter-clockwise or you could "guide" them backwards.

since i was at the end of the route, it took awhile for the trainees to show up. i was located on a corner and i got worried at one point, when it was just me and the flag, that some car was gonna pull up wanting a little morning "pick-me-up."

when the fast runners started showing up, i had WAY too much fun with the flag. i was waving like i was Miss America/USA. when Sam came into view i had some trouble with coordinating the flag waving and trying to take a photo at the same time. i can honestly say that none of the runners/walkers went off course from my section point.... :-)...but then they've been training on that route long before i came to flag them to death.

monkey's got my burger

2008-05-08T18:42:00.003-10:00

i don't know why i find this commercial so funny...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-8RUxmdPzE

Shut it down

2008-05-06T07:45:00.004-10:00

http://www.shutdownday.org/

i received the above site address last thursday (5/1/08). it was an interesting concept to me...to shut down my computer for 24 hours.

while looking around the site, i found the commercials to be sort of funny and noticed that there wasn't a representative from hawaii participating. so i thought "why not challenge myself." maybe i was becoming too addictive...no wrong word...too dependent on my computer system? it shouldn't be that difficult.

WRONG!

usually the first thing i do when i get up in the AM is go into my office and take my vitals and log on to my computer. well, as my blood pressure (BP) machine is going, my free hand automatically went to the mouse. it took me a few minutes to figure out why the hell my screen wouldn't come on. i've got a thermometer in my mouth, my left arm in a BP cuff and my right hand is jiggling my mouse like it was Redi-whip. once i remembered that i completely turned off my computer the night before (just in case of an instance like this), i knew my BP was gonna read badly with the stress i was feeling...just because my screen wasn't coming on! not a good beginning.

so i moved on to re-organizing my office. i cleaned up the storage cabinet, filed paid bills, wiped down surfaces, etc. that took about an hour as my office is usually organized anyway....i know i know...it's anal but you should see my bedroom. so, that was the next place i decided to go since i couldn't do my usual morning routine: check my emails from my various addresses, read the news from various sources (reuters, ap, time, bbc, einnews, etc), make some lists, search recipes, search specific topics, check my calendar, update my meds list, update my medical journal, yada yada yada.

anyway, off to my room i go. i hang up all the clothes that needed hanging while folding all the clothes that needed folding. that's when i noticed my bags of Space Bags. i had ordered a packet of Space Bags so that i can vacuum suck my clothes that i am not currently using (i.e. my DC suits). they have these new hanging versions i wanted to try out. so, i drag my mom into this next bit of fun and we sucked up the suits like there was no tomorrow! my mom was really getting into it so we searched for more stuff in our closets. then we hit my drawers and before i knew it...a couple of hours had flown by.

the rest of the day consisted of me roaming around the house looking for stuff to clean up which was fruitless since my grandmother is worst than me about keeping things in order. i go venture to my mom's room to see what's up with her since we finished the clothes sucking...and she was freekin' out on why i was being so chatty and sociable. i had to remind her about the "shutdown" challenge and she just laughed as said "i gotta go check my mail." what a smart-a**!!!

i had invited my mom and my cousin, tasha, to participate in the "shutdown" but they both lost before it was even 10am. friggin' A. no email will-power, i say.

yeeeeaaaah, riiiiiiight. i was chompin' at the bit ALL FRIGGIN' DAY to get on my computer.

what was really disconcerting about not having my computer that whole day was not being able to access my calendar and or seeing the time. i didn't know how dependent i was on those 2 things.

car payoff

2008-05-02T18:02:00.003-10:00

i've finally paid off my car! woohoo!!! now i can use the monies from that payment to start paying for my medical bills. i've let them pile up while i save up. i'm not afraid to NOT pay them since i figure they want to keep me alive so i can pay them for the rest of my life unless i move to Iceland or Canada. ;-) i figure they won't send their knee-breakers/spine-crackers for me any time soon. since it won't look good in the news that "jennifer lopez was beaten up by mysterious strangers in hawaii while recovering from heart transplant." actually, i'm hoping they go bother the other "jlo" first and considering she just had twins she might not be all there mentally.

i went to Costco yesterday for an appointment with the eye doctor. who would've figured that the optometrist's father had a heart transplant a few years ago. it was incredible timing to get him and not his other partners. i didn't have to explain my meds to him and he knew exactly what i was going through and what is gonna happen with my vision in the future. he was a very thorough doctor. because of the steroids i'm on...i now have glaucoma developing in one eye. hopefully i can get off the roids so it doesn't develop any further. until then...maybe i'll practice walking around with a blind-fold especially now that the water in the pool is warmer as we head into summer. makes falling in less of a shock.

before i went to my appointment i stopped off and got an ice tea lemonade from Starbucks (yummy and refreshing). so i go to the entrance of Costco and show my card. the Costco guy stops me and says that i can't bring in outside drinks. now, i have a full Venti (large cup) of tea and he's telling me i have to finish it before i can go in. yeah, right. i tell him, as i'm coughing from my chest cold and from my walk across the football field of a parking lot 'cause all of the handi-cap parking was filled, that i will not be shopping and that i have an appointment with the eye dudes. as i'm telling this young asian Costco dude this, i notice that he's wearing blue contacts over his brown/black eyeballs. come on! how 90's is THAT?!!! he looked like a friggin' reptile. i told him further that the doc said it was ok for me to bring in liquids since it was gonna be a long appointment and that i needed it...not because i wanted to look cool like lizard dude. i'm like thinking has Costco had bomb threats sent to them or something? is bin ladin now targeting Costcos and Sam Clubs (which would be smart since they are only checking card ID's and outside liquids...no checking for strap-on bombs or grenades)? no outside liquids. give me a break.

needless to say, i tried to save a little of my drink so i could slurp it on the way out to rub it in to lizard-boy. hehehe! but it really was a long appointment not too mention i got news of the glaucoma...major slurpage at that point since it's another operation to look forward to in the future.

what was funny...towards the end of our "conversation" between lizard asian dude and myself, he throws out, after i tell him the doc says it was ok to bring in the drink, that HE's gonna have a "talk" with the doctor. HELLO!! delusions of grandeur, ya think? dude counts people on his clicker (btw doesn't Costco sell laser beam stuff...why can't they use their own technology for counting instead of clickers?) and checks to see if we have Costco cards. but come on...he's gonna go scold a doctor about outside drinks that the patients bring in when there is a ton of rubbish in the aisles from all of the samples they give out. give me a break. i just don't get the ego this kid had...maybe it's a lizard thing.

2008-04-13T07:56:00.002-10:00

why in all holy hell is this blog site advertising JLO panties on my blog? WHHHHHHYYYYY??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is it my name or my subject matter that tipped them off? man, "they" are smart and quick.

post transplant

2008-04-06T19:36:00.002-10:00

it really is true that during a crisis the filtering in your brain seems to focus only on certain things. during my initial meetings to get me on the transplant list, my mind was more worried about whether i had enough underwear with me in california while i waited for a donor. no thinking about whether i was gonna survive, not what the recovery was gonna be like, not the financial hardships i'm gonna endure for the rest of my life, not the really important things that i should have listed to ask the transplant social worker and doctors. nope, all i could think about was that i was gonna have to have my grandparents send me clothes (since my mom was with me...and just as shell-shocked) and how they were gonna have to go through my panty drawer. now, it's not as if i had anything really racy or anything...but i'm sure 80+ year olds aren't that used to to thongs and such not too mention the colors that are available in this day and age. the social worker and the docs are discussing all the important stuff i need to know about transplantation and all i hear is blah blah blah.

because of the newest dissection that prompted the rush to get on the transplant list, i was suppose to not stress about anything. i was a ticking time bomb unitl i got a new heart. it was a miracle that the latest dissection hadn't cause another heart attack or immediate death. and here i was stressing about panties. i didn't know why i was stressing about something so STUPID. but my mind was stuck on it. deep down inside me i had all the confidence in the world with my transplant team and dissection doctor. they weren't flippin' out on the operation so i wasn't gonna either...except i was flipping out on the whole underwear issue.

so, to stop all the stress i was putting on myself and possible future embarrassment when i next saw my grandparents...i decided to save money and go "commando." :-D just kiddin'. i do believe in keeping things simple and stress free now and in the end i said c'est la vie and had them pack some stuff up (including panties) and send them to me. i'm sure my grandmother, whom i hope was the one to actually pack my stuff (go to your happy place, jen), wasn't too shock on my under garments. i mean...she didn't die from shock and is still alive. by the time i came home and saw them...the pain i was enduring put things in perspective on this panty issue. bfd.

i'm pretty sure i caught a glimpse of a thong on my grandmother recently when she wore her white dress pants to dinner one evening. ;-) but i'm NOT gonna bring it up....going to my happy place now.

my first post

2008-04-05T17:56:00.000-10:00

now...i don't know why i'm so nervous in writing this first posting. what the hell?! and of course now i don't know what to say. it's been suggested by family members (linhsean) and friend's of mine at work (may) that i should start a blog so that people in my life can keep abreast of me and my recovery. it's really weird to be doing this but it makes sense. this way, i don't have to keep inundating people with emails. now if they do get emails from me...they know it's regarding something REALLY important and they need to read IMMEDIATELY! ok...maybe not immediately but i'm sure y'all anxious to know if that girl in india survived her operation to remove her 4 extra limbs. yeah? i'm still waiting to hear if the mother mated with an octopus. ;-D

so, here are my rules/guidelines to my blog:

if u find any misspellings, it's because of the medications (meds) i'm on. :-D that's my excuse and i've got a doctor's note to prove it! so be friggin' gentle when correcting me on that and my grammar. and i wanna be corrected. it's the only way to learn.
also know that i will be using "texting"-speak in which i may abbreviate some words. such as: u=you, yr=your. when i get tired or if my thoughts are running faster than my hands, that's when u'll see the "texting." of course i can only do this on a computer but not on my cell. :- {
i will try to keep the swearing down to a minimum. there is no friggin' way i can totally eliminate it...but i can tone it down...a bit.
i would love feedback at any time from anyone...unless it's from cousin mac. :-D jus' kiddin'! if the background on my blog is making it too hard to read...let me know. if you have old photos (tasteful not porno) of you and i and you want to post them on my site , send them to me and i'll do it. or you can post them...i think...not sure how that works since this is all new to me.
if you have any suggestions on past stories i've shared with u and u think it should be posted, let me know which ones and i'll put it up there. or write up the story in your version...but only if you have time. i know how busy u are and want to make this site a place u can find a laugh, chuckle, or groan.
i like to write in small caps. it seems less formal...more of conversation...like "talking story" at a bbq or luau.

ok, so that's about it for my first posting on my blog. hope you have fun reading this and the ones to follow. a hui hou (until we meet again), jen

p.s. hope u like the picture on my first posting. it's from an aunty of mine who is only 10 years older than me. i was totally "under the influence" of my older and wiser family members and was "forced" to hold the bottle. i did it for free. :-} now, when i "served" the drinks at that age during the poker parties...that's when i charged. ;-D wanna beer? 5 cents please.