What a pile of Croc

i've been following this writer, Steve Tuttle, in Newsweek...see his rants below. i find him really entertaining and funny. you don't expect that in a news mag. his latest rant-series deals with Crocs. yep...those wonderful plastic shoes that you have a pair or two or three of. you know you do. i do, although i sold a few at the garage/moving sale a couple of weeks ago. i'm down to only 2 pairs now. woohoo!!

i agree with this dude, Tuttle, that the original Crocs do look goofy and clown-like. BUT the "new" FiveFingers (aka Barefoot Alternative) really takes the cake on foot-wear weirdness. i giggled with astonishment while checking out the website. they totally look like gloves. this led me to check out my own feet and to imagine what these "shoes" would like on me. that's when i noticed that feet are really weird looking in itself. what is up with that? they are like hands but stubbier. that little toe is practically useless except to get it caught on something. look at your feet. move the toes around. i'm telling you they are weird looking! and now we've got a footwear to enhance that oddness. is this the right thing to do? there are some really really really really weird looking feet out there that don't need to be noticed. i'm talking about the people with "sideways toes" and the "over-reaching second toes." how they wear shoes...i don't know.

and i KNOW that only hippy-types will be wearing this new "shoe." and sure enough, the other night at dinner with my mom and grandparents, i noticed a fellow diner wearing the 5fingers. my first in-person sighting of the 5fingers and i wasn't even in Colorado. and the guy was a total hippy. i could tell by the way my grandfather was giving him the eye. it was the "damn hippy" eye. plus he had weird hair that looked like it just came out of dreds and was reading Plato (picture me rolling my eyes here). how predictable is THAT.

when the guy got up, he came near me and i asked him about his 5fingers. come to find out...this is his second pair. he just returned from Thailand (huh...again...how friggin' predictable! don't all the young hippies go there at some point in their lives nowadays? did they all get indoctrinated by Leonardo DiCaprio's movie The Beach?). his original 5fingers went kaput while there. luckily, he found a shop that sells them in Thailand and they were original 5fingers, not the knock-offs that are apparently selling like gang-busters in Thailand. who knew South-East Asians would go nutso for 5fingers?

i'm sure if the guy was wearing Crocs it wouldn't have died on him. there seems to be no way to destroy Crocs unless you put them in a chipper. i even think they are fire-repellent. may be we should throw Crocs at the Southern Cal fires and smother it? or cover the Mt. Wilson Observatory with Crocs for protection? or maybe the Myth Busters dudes should test this theory out first....

anyway, the guy told me that it feels like you are walking barefoot but without the "ouch! ouch!" when stepping on baby rocks or hot lava. huh...feels like walking barefoot? that sounds pretty cool. of course, it's just as healthy if you actually walked barefoot, and cheaper too. these 5fingers are $75+ for the most basic model...and they don't last forever like Crocs. but if you want...send me a pair (size 8) so i can give you a "real" review. ;-D

http://www.newsweek.com/id/150240
http://www.newsweek.com/id/154409
http://www.newsweek.com/id/207392?tid=relatedcl
http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

my addiction...i confess

i’ve got an addiction. it’s been going for years. i’ve never admitted this to anyone...not even to myself. i guess i felt that if i acknowledge this addiction, it would give it power. at first i didn’t think it was a problem. how could i have an addiction? that’s ridiculous! not me? and to be addicted to that? no freakin’ way!

but i’ve noticed lately that when i’m stressed or discombobulated i have to have it...and i need more. and why do they keep making it? don’t they understand that they are just feeding the problem? contributing to the downfall of society? or at least making sure that society is all marked up? i ask why? why produce these addictive items in which i can’t resist getting more and more of them. when i see them i literally start shaking and vibrating with excitement. even though i already have a pack or more at home (maybe even containers of them)...i just need more!! MORE!!!!!!!

i confess. i can’t hold it in any longer. i was at Costco today....and i bought another pack. but it was bigger than any pack i’ve EVER gotten before. it was a beautiful pack. friggin’ gorgeous! i just know that i’ll be fine for awhile now. i won’t need more. i’ll be fine. really! how can they top this?

my addiction is to Sharpie. yes, beautiful Sharpie pens. from the fine points to the fat tips. to the cap markers or the re-tractables which you can get fine or ultra fine. absolutely incredible selections! i’m confessing right now that a week ago i bought the latest ultra fine point retractable Sharpies from Staples in Chino Hills. i was technically suppose to be returning something but had to use the bathroom. it’s not MY fault that the friggin’ store has the pen aisle lined up with the restrooms. you HAVE to walk down that aisle in order to get there. and then they caught my eyes....8 beautiful colors ranging from black to orange to aqua and a blue-green. there is also a lime green. and it was NEW. just released. needless to say i didn’t get any money back from my return since it went towards the purchase of the much needed ultra fine retractable Sharpies. i think i might’ve been on the way to the airport too. ahhhhhhhhh! i was so happy to get this new set of Sharpies. absolutely sublime.

but then i went to Costco today. evil evil Costco. and there it was....in one of the very first aisles. i thought i was satisfied. i thought i had it under control. i had to stop my iPod as it was distracting me from the brilliance of this find. the only song that would’ve been appropriate at that moment was “Alleluia” by the Benedictine Monks...but alas, i didn’t have it on my iPod. this Sharpie pack is 24 colors, fine point with a bonus marker. AND it has limited edition Cafe colors. LIMITED EDITION!!! i had to get it. i needed the earl grey, blueberry, pomergrante, hibiscus tea and the mocha colors. we’ve never had those colors before with Sharpie. friggin’ A! it’s like Christmas or something. they are all so beautiful. so beautiful and colorful. it’s a color extravaganza of 24 colors with an bonus marker of periwinkle. at least i think it’s periwinkle. i really wish Sharpie would mark the markers with the name of the color...like Crayon. hello! it would only make sense, yeah? so this extra color (maybe baby blue?) makes it 25 colors. 25 COLORS IN THE PACK!!! friggin’ awesome! i’m so satisfied. i need a cigarette.

i've been gone for about a month and returned home late in the evening. the next morning i opened the frig for some breakfast and it was EMPTY. some milk, a few eggs, half a sour cream and condiments was all that was in there. did my g-parenets have a party and use up ALL the food in the house? the pantry is skeletal so i go out to the big freezer in the garage and that's EMPTY too. no wonder my g-pa has been giving me hints to get my fanny to the grocery store! he's starving!

so today i head to Safeway. i just finished buying them out. man, i miss mainland prices. hey, check out Fresh & Easy if you have one near you. WAY better than Whole Foods and cheaper. cheaper than Trader Joe's too.

i usually end my grocery experience in the bread section where i stand there confused on the type of bread to get. you've got 12 grain, 9 grain, seeds, fiber, white, sourdough, sweet, or butter. i usually end up with butter. i always fall for it. hoping against hope that it is buttery but it never is...those ba*tards! i must've looked even more clueless than usual as the bread dude, Ken, took pity on me and my melting ice creams (one for g-pa and one for me, of course). he gave me the scoops on the different grains of bread and the different seeds used on and in the breads. we also talked about when we were kids and the only selections available on island were Love's white or wheat. noticing my melting ice cream on the floor he recommended some breads and suggested that i get my ice cream just before check out. now, being portuguese and all fluster that he noticed my growing puddle, i explain to him that i just follow the layout of the store...otherwise i would've thought it through since i did go to college. and then i booked it out of the bread section. i'm pretty sure i heard Ken snickering.

anywaaaaay...just to satisfy your curiosity, i finally settled on the fiber for the g-parents and a seed Omega-3 wheat for mom and i. let me know if you have any questions for Ken. i'll wear my abaya to ask him your questions so he won't recognize me as that dumb@ss portagee girl with the melting ice cream.