my addiction...i confess

i’ve got an addiction. it’s been going for years. i’ve never admitted this to anyone...not even to myself. i guess i felt that if i acknowledge this addiction, it would give it power. at first i didn’t think it was a problem. how could i have an addiction? that’s ridiculous! not me? and to be addicted to that? no freakin’ way!

but i’ve noticed lately that when i’m stressed or discombobulated i have to have it...and i need more. and why do they keep making it? don’t they understand that they are just feeding the problem? contributing to the downfall of society? or at least making sure that society is all marked up? i ask why? why produce these addictive items in which i can’t resist getting more and more of them. when i see them i literally start shaking and vibrating with excitement. even though i already have a pack or more at home (maybe even containers of them)...i just need more!! MORE!!!!!!!

i confess. i can’t hold it in any longer. i was at Costco today....and i bought another pack. but it was bigger than any pack i’ve EVER gotten before. it was a beautiful pack. friggin’ gorgeous! i just know that i’ll be fine for awhile now. i won’t need more. i’ll be fine. really! how can they top this?

my addiction is to Sharpie. yes, beautiful Sharpie pens. from the fine points to the fat tips. to the cap markers or the re-tractables which you can get fine or ultra fine. absolutely incredible selections! i’m confessing right now that a week ago i bought the latest ultra fine point retractable Sharpies from Staples in Chino Hills. i was technically suppose to be returning something but had to use the bathroom. it’s not MY fault that the friggin’ store has the pen aisle lined up with the restrooms. you HAVE to walk down that aisle in order to get there. and then they caught my eyes....8 beautiful colors ranging from black to orange to aqua and a blue-green. there is also a lime green. and it was NEW. just released. needless to say i didn’t get any money back from my return since it went towards the purchase of the much needed ultra fine retractable Sharpies. i think i might’ve been on the way to the airport too. ahhhhhhhhh! i was so happy to get this new set of Sharpies. absolutely sublime.

but then i went to Costco today. evil evil Costco. and there it was....in one of the very first aisles. i thought i was satisfied. i thought i had it under control. i had to stop my iPod as it was distracting me from the brilliance of this find. the only song that would’ve been appropriate at that moment was “Alleluia” by the Benedictine Monks...but alas, i didn’t have it on my iPod. this Sharpie pack is 24 colors, fine point with a bonus marker. AND it has limited edition Cafe colors. LIMITED EDITION!!! i had to get it. i needed the earl grey, blueberry, pomergrante, hibiscus tea and the mocha colors. we’ve never had those colors before with Sharpie. friggin’ A! it’s like Christmas or something. they are all so beautiful. so beautiful and colorful. it’s a color extravaganza of 24 colors with an bonus marker of periwinkle. at least i think it’s periwinkle. i really wish Sharpie would mark the markers with the name of the color...like Crayon. hello! it would only make sense, yeah? so this extra color (maybe baby blue?) makes it 25 colors. 25 COLORS IN THE PACK!!! friggin’ awesome! i’m so satisfied. i need a cigarette.

i've been gone for about a month and returned home late in the evening. the next morning i opened the frig for some breakfast and it was EMPTY. some milk, a few eggs, half a sour cream and condiments was all that was in there. did my g-parenets have a party and use up ALL the food in the house? the pantry is skeletal so i go out to the big freezer in the garage and that's EMPTY too. no wonder my g-pa has been giving me hints to get my fanny to the grocery store! he's starving!

so today i head to Safeway. i just finished buying them out. man, i miss mainland prices. hey, check out Fresh & Easy if you have one near you. WAY better than Whole Foods and cheaper. cheaper than Trader Joe's too.

i usually end my grocery experience in the bread section where i stand there confused on the type of bread to get. you've got 12 grain, 9 grain, seeds, fiber, white, sourdough, sweet, or butter. i usually end up with butter. i always fall for it. hoping against hope that it is buttery but it never is...those ba*tards! i must've looked even more clueless than usual as the bread dude, Ken, took pity on me and my melting ice creams (one for g-pa and one for me, of course). he gave me the scoops on the different grains of bread and the different seeds used on and in the breads. we also talked about when we were kids and the only selections available on island were Love's white or wheat. noticing my melting ice cream on the floor he recommended some breads and suggested that i get my ice cream just before check out. now, being portuguese and all fluster that he noticed my growing puddle, i explain to him that i just follow the layout of the store...otherwise i would've thought it through since i did go to college. and then i booked it out of the bread section. i'm pretty sure i heard Ken snickering.

anywaaaaay...just to satisfy your curiosity, i finally settled on the fiber for the g-parents and a seed Omega-3 wheat for mom and i. let me know if you have any questions for Ken. i'll wear my abaya to ask him your questions so he won't recognize me as that dumb@ss portagee girl with the melting ice cream.

Thanksgiving Eve

i decided to brave the streets on this Thanksgiving Eve and drove into Kailua Town to run some errands. it’s about a 5 minute drive from my house to this Town...unless there are idiots driving about...then it’s about a 20 minute drive. frickin’ idiots. my first stop was Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. it was uneventful except for the idiots in front of me who couldn’t decide on what they wanted to drink and kept thinking they were in Starbucks and ordering in Starbuck-ese. idiot: “venti, please.” coffee clerk (cc): “large?” idiot: “no venti!” cc: “you mean a large or do you want regular?” it was a good thing that i told myself before i left my driveway to be patient today and to understand that there will be stupid idiots out there. so expect to get nothing accomplished, jen. and who the hell decided “venti” is a large?! it does mean the number 20 in italian...nothing relating to size unlike “grande.” and tall? wtf!

anyway, after finally getting my correctly ordered drink lickety-split (i have it typed up and laminated in my wallet), i headed to UPS to drop off a package. it’s located right across the street from where i was parked. but the street is hella-crazy to walk across, so i drove over. as i was waiting for break in traffic to scurry across in my car, i notice this big yellow Hummer-tank trying to back out of a space right in front of UPS. i thanked the parking gods for my good luck...but much to my dismay the friggin’ guy backs up into the truck next to him. i saw the whole thing and i still couldn’t figure out how he did it. somehow he did this weird damage and i could see him wrestling on whether to take off from the scene. he’d be a frickin’ IDIOT to try and get away because of these reasons: 1. it’s a flippin’ YELLOW HUMMER. 2. it’s a tiny parking lot that was totally filled. 3. it’s one of the busiest days of the year with tons of people around as well as dogs as there is vet next door to the UPS store (and dogs can be used as witnesses...i saw it on Law&Order SVU so it’s gotta be true). 4. did i mention is a bright @ss yellow HUMMER? 5. finally, it’s an island...he’s not gonna get very far if we called the cops into play. he did the right thing and waited while the owner came racing out of UPS. busted! i didn’t even have to do my civic duty and rat his Hummer arse out. bummer.

my next stop was the u.s. “suck me dry with weird fees” post office. i went in to mail my christmas cards. HEY...I WAITED AT LEAST 'TILL TURKEY DAY WAS IN SIGHT! people will get my cards AFTER thanksgiving so that’s allowed. ask Emily Post. anywayyyyyyy...i got these really cool cards from Costco. it’s all creative and puffy (i’m puffy but not creative ;-) ). i heard the groan from the people behind me standing in the long @ss line when i pulled out all of my cards. i became smug and overconfident with my efficiency as i tilted one of the cards towards the peanut gallery. i heard some guy whisper “they’re all stamped.” next, a big gust of wind from the sighs of relief was felt. but then i asked the question...”is this enough postage” (‘cause i was all smug and all) and i wanted that elusive "awesome customer" award (oh, it's out there, people!), and all the air was sucked back out of the room. a big groan came next when my postal dude said “nope” and went to look for some device to show me why. he couldn’t find it and seemed to get flustered as i asked why i would be charged extra if they were the same size as the other cards. he finally gave up looking for the “device” and told me that the cards were over-thick. yep, over-thick. and the charge would be +$0.42 on the already $0.42 i have on there. WHAT?!! 2 stamps? it's not double the fun, here. friggin’ A. i gave up trying to argue the fact that you can smoosh my cards thickness until it was of “regular” thickness as the huffing behind me from the line was getting louder. i cracked. i grabbed my cards and dumped them back in my Trader Joe’s recycle bag and booked it out of there. i had a couple of books of stamps at home i could use...there was NO WAY i was gonna have the postal dude tally it all up and post each one while the monkeys behind me start breathing MORE of their germs on me. i swear a couple of them sneezed on me on the way out. i used my whole x-large container of handi-wipes in the post office parking lot to wash the cooties away.

i next had to go to Don Quijote aka Daie aka local-Japanese version of Kmart but way smaller. they carry the green tea my mom drinks and she needed a few bottles. as i was walking to the tea section i saw 2 ladies. one was really really older (90+ years) and the other lady was just older (70-80 years). what intrigued me about them was the older lady. she was wearing high heel wedges. pretty cool for an older lady as she was walking like she was wearing slippers. i know i couldn’t pull it off as gracefully (put some oxfords on me, though, and i’ll kick some runway @ss!). but it was this lady’s one-piece turquoise bathing suit with a miniscule see-thru wrap around her hips that mesmerized me...as well as her very red lopsided wig. it was quite a sight, let me tell you! i started following her around to grab a picture on my cell phone but dang she can move in those heels. i finally caught up with her at the checkout counter and elbowed a woman out of the way so i could be right behind the older lady. while she was busy situating the really older lady on a chair to rest before checkin out, i was able to snap a photo. mission complete! except i forgot about the flippin’ tea. dangnabit!

i finally ended my round of errands at Safeway to pick up ice for my grandfather. the parking lot was insane! frickin’ unbelievable insane. and all of the handi-capped spots were filled. wth! i debated on leaving and looking for ice in Antarctica but a spot opened up. the woman backing out almost hit and killed a large older man slowly walking with a cane. you couldn’t miss the guy, he was that big! and he was moving so slow you couldn’t miss his slow shuffle. once i made sure he wasn't going into cardiac arrest from THAT scare, i bopped into the spot, got the ice and left the store. i had a car follow me to my parking spot and in no time i started backing out...when an impatient IDIOT got too impatient and impatiently drove around the car waiting for me to leave. the car almost hits me broadside. HORNS HONKING EVERYWHERE!!! me included, although i was facing the wrong way so the people in front of me thought i was honking at them. i just threw them a shaka and it was all good. i finally back out and roll down the window to throw a thank you shaka at the car waiting for my spot as she made room for me to get the frick out of the space. we gave each other the mutual “thank you...no thank you” waves and off i escaped to get my booty home.

i’ve learned to take a step back and be thankful for my experiences as i took so much for granted before. any experience...good or bad. it means i’m frickin’ alive.

hope you have a nice relaxing day stuffing yourselves with tons of food. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!